Today, I'm about to end my stay in my first company. I never thought it was this heart-breaking. If there's a person who wished to hasten time in the past two years, she would certainly be me. I never enjoyed that much for the first year. I never knew the reason, until now, it's clear to me. I left my thoughts in my hometown. I never gave this place a chance. But the true wonders in these place are introduced to me on the beginning of my second year. The people were as wonderful as the people in my hometown. On the last months of my stay, I met someone, he was wonderful. He could be the reason for me to stay. But he arrived too late. We never have a chance to know each other more. It's a good thing though, God just want me to stay away from situations like falling in love with someone else. I never know that we are of the same age, until i knew it from somebody. He was very silent, a very low profile kind of person. Someone who is my exact opposite. I can describe him as a wallflower. Although he is a handsome person, he lacks self confidence. I may not know what he is really inside, but his humility shows from within him. I sometimes imagine us together, answering my what ifs questions. It's a wonderful picture though, but i know it's just my imagination. There are many questions in my mind, and most of them came from assumptions. I never know what this guy feels for me. I would be happy if the feeling is mutual. I would be happy if he tells me face to face. Before I leave, I want to capture all the happy memories. I'll leave the bad ones behind. But the effects in me will always be in me.
I wrote this post more than a year ago when I was about to end my stay on my previous company. This was kept on my drafts that long because I want to write something I feel inside without anyone knowing it. Never did I expect that this would mean so much to me in the future.. until unexpected things happened.
So, I did really fell in to the trap, I fell in love with the guy I described above. And guess what, I love the feeling! I admired him in secret, not telling anybody how I really feel for him. Seeing him everyday in the office creates a beautiful aura in the place, sometimes, takes my stress away. I didn't really care if he doesn't know how I really feel (Im moving out, so I expected the feeling to just fade eventually and I thought Me and Him are quite impossible). After I left, we still continue communicating. The more we talked, the more I knew him. And I just realized how wonderful he is as a person, so simple, very humble, so considerate of other people, gentle(my exact opposite, I think Im a little evilish, though Im trying to be good as a person hihi).. Because Im already confused what to do, I started asking the Man above, my bestfriend, God. I kept praying everyday, my prayers were not as specific as this:
So, I did really fell in to the trap, I fell in love with the guy I described above. And guess what, I love the feeling! I admired him in secret, not telling anybody how I really feel for him. Seeing him everyday in the office creates a beautiful aura in the place, sometimes, takes my stress away. I didn't really care if he doesn't know how I really feel (Im moving out, so I expected the feeling to just fade eventually and I thought Me and Him are quite impossible). After I left, we still continue communicating. The more we talked, the more I knew him. And I just realized how wonderful he is as a person, so simple, very humble, so considerate of other people, gentle(my exact opposite, I think Im a little evilish, though Im trying to be good as a person hihi).. Because Im already confused what to do, I started asking the Man above, my bestfriend, God. I kept praying everyday, my prayers were not as specific as this:
God please touch his heart and let him love me, just him, nobody else. (bargaining)If you do, I will attend prayer meetings regulary.
Nope. I told God:
If he is the person You want for me, no matter how impossible I think it is, then let your will be done. And please give me a sign.
And God did not fail me, He gave me the sign I'm asking for. Sometimes, I think, I'm God's spoiled brat. But thank you Lord. I love you more more than anyone else!
And so, to cut the story short, we just celebrated our anniversary and it was wonderful! Of course, we also experienced rough roads, but it was never a hindrance for us to continue, not even distance stopped us. And If somebody would ask me, how far I want to go with him, well definitely FOREVER. :) Im excited for everything thats ahead, Im excited for the story God is creating for us.
For Charles: I will love and cherish you until my last breath, until hell freezes over. Happy Anniversary and counting.